


A Flight of Feather and Shadow

by Raibean



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/F, F/M, Morrigan and Azriel have an adventure, Multi, Overcoming awkward unrequited love and internalized homophobia, The Cauldron is back baby, weird mild preschool AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-27 03:08:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30116247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raibean/pseuds/Raibean
Summary: Morrigan and Azriel have been friends for five centuries, but they've kept each other at arms' length that entire time. Can they heal their internal demons? A chance meeting in the city sends the two on a whirlwind personal quest for truth, understanding, and a future worth building.
Relationships: Elain Archeron/Azriel, Elain Archeron/Azriel/Lucien Vanserra, Elain Archeron/Lucien Vanserra, Morrigan/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter One

Morrigan

I was only half-listening as Feyre told me about the school she had found down in the city. Rhysand was listening much more intently with a mixture of confusion and concern. 

Confusion because, after all, he had never been to school, unless you counted the Illyrian training camps, and High Fae in general tended towards private tutors or being taught by our own families. I never attended school, though I understood that most lesser fae used them, especially here in Velaris. 

And the concern? That wasn’t too hard to guess after either. Even as I continued to talk and babble to Nyx, I thought about just how many enemies he had simply by being born – and some we may not even know about. 

“I’m not sure,” Rhys said carefully. “It sounds unsafe. And can it really benefit him? We can afford better education that’s tailored to his strengths.”

I recalled tutors spending hours with me teaching me to use my power, to dance, things I loved. I also remember useless things like etiquette and how to flirt with a male without promising too much or extracting gossip while giving nothing away – things my parents valued in the Hewn City. Rhys’ own mother had valued a Illyrian maleness and its culture. Something she couldn’t buy. 

“We can’t buy him other kids to play with,” Feyre huffed. “Don’t you think it will be good to let him socialize? To be part of the community?”

“He’s one,” Rhys drawled. “He can’t even talk. How can he make friends? And what about the safety?”

“Oh just have one of us standing guard outside and be done with it,” I muttered. I wiped some masticated crackers off of Nyx’s shirt. “It won’t hurt to look at the school Rhys.”

“You barely have any time to yourself with all the diplomatic visits I’ve been sending you on,” Rhys said. “I don’t think you’ll have time to sit and watch the outside of a school for several hours.”

“I’d rather babysit Nyx than the Queen of Vallahan. Again.” I gave him a pointed look.

Nyx grabbed my finger, and I gave him a small piece of meat off my plate. He put it in his mouth, rolled it around, then spit it into his hand. He offered it to me to eat. I giggled. “No honey, I don’t want that. It’s dirty now.”

“Well Vallahan ended up signing the treaty so hopefully it will be a while before you hear her dulcet squawking,” Rhys answered smoothly.

I poured myself another glass of wine. “Let me stay here a while before you unleash me on Rask or Montesere or some other godforsaken realm. I need a vacation.”

I needed to stop running. Not from my father, not from Eris. And I wasn’t running, not really. But the fear of  _ looking _ like I was running was proof enough that their opinion of me still held sway in my mind. I wasn’t truly free of their grasp, for all that Eris was meant to be an ally now. It wasn’t them I was running from, but my own mind, the shadows within myself.

*****

There were clouds overhead, and the night sky was so dark as to remind me of the Ouroboros. Its power was truth, the truth turned inward toward the self. And I was that power made flesh, reflecting to truth outward to the world. Was it because of this that I feared sharing my truth with the world? 

I saw what the truth was; it was a weapon, one I wielded carefully and with precision. It was terrible and awesome in its scope, the ability to free and devastate its victims. It was the perfect gift in the Hewn City where masks were seen more than a person’s face. In a Court where lies were protection, truth was the most prized weapon of all. I did not wish to turn it on myself.

I knew very well how truth reverberated on a soul, and I feared it. Like all people who feared the truth, I feared myself. I feared what my life might be if I were to take the mask off. The shame the Hewn City had raised me in, the vacuous maw of bondage and conformity, was as much a part of my truth as my love for females. 

One of my favorite females stepped onto the balcony – Feyre. She held out her arms to offer a hug, and I took it, resting my head into her shoulder as we looked up at the night sky together. We stood in silence for a few precious moments, our breaths and hearts moving in sync.

“Do you want to see the school?” Feyre asked. “I’d like to have another person to help me gang up on Rhys.” She was wearing simple black pants and a black crop top with a gossamer covering. Black pearls were braided into her hair, Night Resplendant. 

I snorted. “That doesn’t sound like a good idea Feyre, I might throw myself onto the next male I see just to end up with a baby as cute as Nyx.” I spoiled that child, perhaps a bit too much. Mostly clothes and blankets to lie on. 

I could picture it now, my own blond baby to hold close to my arms. But the idea held no appeal. It was nice in a far-off, day-dream manner, but it didn’t fascinate me the way that hot chocolate and a good ride on my mare did. No, what I wanted was far more intangible than that.

Feyre squeezed me tighter. “Tell me when you’re ready for me to start matchmaking for you, huh? The women of Velaris will go ga-ga over you.” 

“It’s not that,” I whispered. “My life just… isn’t where I want it to be yet. And I’m not ready to make it that way. It’s frustrating.”

Another truth: Love would not set me free. Only I could do that. The wind felt bitter on my skin. 

She nodded. “I understand. I remember feeling that way, being frustrated with my own emotions and wrestling with what I wanted.”

“I’m afraid,” I admitted. “I’m afraid of what they think.”

Gently, Feyre turned me around. “Mor, that’s because some part of you is afraid that they’re right.” She hugged me again. “When you see it, Mor, when you see the truth, you won’t care about them anymore.”

I wiped a tear away. “But uh, yeah, I don’t really want to go to the school.”

Feyre laughed. “That’s fine. I think I’ll rope Cassian into it.”

I shook my head. “That sounds like a mess. Some kid is gonna grab a knife off of him and then suddenly you’re not welcome back. Take Azriel instead.”

Feyre laughed. “Maybe you have a point. Then I can tell Rhys that we’re bringing Azriel for security reasons – to assess the staff as security risks.”

I nodded. “Besides, if anyone deserves a spot of happiness right now, it’s Az.”

Feyre smiled at me. “You do to, Mor.”

I looked back at the sky. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”


	2. Chapter 2

Azriel

I could smell him before I could see him. Elain was digging out bulbs – tulips, daffodils, hyacinths, crocuses, even a few garlic and onions, all different colors and types – to “thin them out” she’d explained. The bulbs budded off of themselves to make baby plants, so they needed to be separated and replanted on their own before it got too cold. The Night Court being so up north, it was going to get cold in mid-fall. Elain was starting to winterize the garden in preparation.

I had once asked her what she planned to do in the winter, when plants were dormant. She had laughed and pointed to the greenhouse. Feyre had let Elain design it herself. The kitchen, too – though I knew for a fact that Elain had actually invited Cerridwyn and Nuala to help her and sought not only their advice but their opinion, things that they would want in the house as well. In their workspace. 

Then she had asked if I wanted to see her winter crops. Such a slow, easy smile. Her smile was like sunshine coming through a window. Like Sirius on a moonless night. Of course I said yes. I was surprised when she didn’t take me to the greenhouse but instead to the bed of vegetables she planted in the summer. 

“These ones will grow over winter. The carrots I can harvest during winter, too, but the ground might freeze fully. The beets, too. But these broad beans won’t be ready to harvest until early spring,” she had explained. “The kale and the cabbage as well. But that’s just because I want them to get very big.”

Her confidence was so unlike that woman I’d first seen. Her refinement was the same, but the way she held herself, the way she moved… it was all enhanced. When I had first met her, Rhys and the rest of us plunged her world into darkness, hinging our attempts to stop a war on her and Nesta’s participation. The Cauldron may have Made Elain, but she was the one who built herself. 

I watched her kneel down into the dirt, skirts and all, as she dug up more bulbs and happily tore them apart. Elain paused when she seemed to realize I was on edge, but she quickly recovered and continued with her work. She started to explain where she wanted to put the new bulbs when he approached. Polite as ever, he waited until Elain finished talking before he spoke.

“I see you didn’t like the gloves I gave you,” Lucien said quietly.

Elain stiffened. She was, perhaps, not used to such directness. For her, bad gifts were simply to be packed away. Maybe bad gift givers were meant to notice their disuse and take notes. I looked to her, watching her carefully. It would be dangerous to get between a male and his mate, but… if Elain wanted Lucien gone, I would. If he didn’t take the damn hint first.

“I prefer to feel the dirt on my fingers,” Elain said in a crisp voice. 

Lucien shrunk away from her voice, auburn hair covering his face as if to cover his shame. “I understand. I will endeavor to find a more suitable gift next time.”

She turned to him. “You don’t have to, Lucien.”

It warmed my heart to see her look at him like that… to see her reject him. But it heart. Like the echo of a pang, hearing something far down a hallway… Sympathy for Lucien, maybe?

“I would like to know you better,” Lucien said quietly. 

“I don’t know if a hundred years is enough for me to forgive what you’ve done to my family. My sisters made it out okay. My father is dead. As for me,” she continued, “the whole trajectory of my life has changed. In a way that I had no say in. I have had to mourn dreams I didn’t realize I had. Even after all of that Lucien, I’m not sure I will want to get to know you.” She held his gaze. Her hair flowed in the breeze, but they didn’t move.

I almost wished to sink into shadow, to avoid the pain that I knew was coming for both of them, courtesy of their mating bond, but I was enraptured. Frozen by the raw power of the emotion before me, bared by both of them. To an outsider it might have seemed subtle, but it was all too obvious to me. The conflict, too, echoed within me.

Lucien nodded. “I will wait,” he said quietly. “If… you ever want for anything. I won’t bother you anymore.”

Elain returned his nod. “I appreciate it, Lucien.”

She stared at him as he walked back towards the manor, and he looked back when she finally turned away. But he didn’t look at her – he looked at me. I was expecting anger or possessiveness, but there was none. Only wistful longing. I met his gaze until he once again turned away. 

Elain had returned to digging by the time I refocused my attention on her. I couldn’t see her face, but her shoulders were shaking. 

“Do you want me to leave?” I asked quietly. 

“No.” Her voice was shaking. “Please stay. I want you to stay.”

I sat down next to her and started digging. Before I had even found a bulb – snowdrops, she had told me – Elain had wrapped her arms around my shoulders and buried her head into my chest. 

“It hurts,” she sobbed.

I rubbed her back and wrapped my arm around her waist. “I know. It’s okay. It’s normal. You’ll be okay.” 

Looking down at her red, wet face, I wasn’t so sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm looking for a beta so if you're interested hit me up on tumblr at railarey. This would mainly involve proof-reading and canon-checking anything you think isn't compliant. Could also involve discussion of future plot points etc.


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